LeMons Real Hoopties of New Jersey Day One: BMW 318 Leads, Volvo 262C Bertone Close Behind
We had beautiful racing weather in New Jersey today, but the action on the track got a bit brutal at times. Lots of black flags, plenty of cars scattering engine parts all over the tarmac, and no shortage of bent sheetmetal. Still, some teams managed to avoid busted parts and miscreant drivers; when the checkered flag waved to end today’s race session, the Duct Tape Motorsports BMW 318 was leading the 100-car field by a scant two laps.
Yes, a four-cylinder BMW E30 is holding all the big-engined cars at bay, thanks to the clean driving of the Duct Tape Motorsports wheelmen.
The Duct Tape crew also gave the LeMons Supreme Court the props for an excellent locally-themed penalty: The Jersey Shore. Miscreant drivers must don wifebeater shirts, apply spray-on tan and hair gel, and pose appropriately. Rumor has it that Jon Bon Jovi is racing this weekend; if that’s the case and he comes to the Penalty Box… well, we’ve got plenty of spray tan left!
A couple of laps behind the Duct Tape 318, we have the Team Death Race BMW 528e. BMW E28s have been contenders (and winners) in numerous LeMons races, so everybody is taking the big Bavarian challenger seriously.
Speaking of E28s, the Near-Orbital Space Monkeys campaigned one for several races, finishing as high as second overall… and then they traded the BMW for a Mustang. Since they went all Dearborn, the Space Monkeys have had some rough times, but today everything worked right and the Mustang finished the session in third, seven laps behind the leader.
Detroit is looking good on the track today, with the Ghetto Motorsports 1978 Chevy Malibu on the same lap as the Near-Orbital Space Monkeys Ford.
A few yards behind the Malibu sits the Ziegel Scheißhaus Mercedes-Benz W201, so we’ve got a BMW-BMW-Ford-Chevy-Mercedes-Benz top five.
Incredibly, the first-ever LeMons Volvo 262C Bertone finished the day in seventh place. With 11 laps separating the Italo-Swedish 262C from the Duct Tape E30, the Vermont Maple Runners actually have a shot at the overall win. Could it happen? Not likely… but you never know what will happen on a race track.
Meanwhile, the rest of the field continues to spin, go off-road, blow through caution flags, and bash into one another. It was a very busy day in the Penalty Box, and we expect more of the same tomorrow.
In the paddock, the teams that broke parts are gearing up for all-night wrenching sessions. The Cheetahs Buick Regal (formerly the Chard Beef car) is now undergoing the 14th engine swap in its three-year LeMons career.
This MN12 Cougar fried its rear brakes and received parts from a team member’s daily driver. That’s LeMons spirit!